Short and sweet and to the point!!!!
Oct 28, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-DuHCNK48Y

this is my story and welcome to it
[Music]
morning everybody it is a blister Asst
cold Saturday and yes you probably
noticed I'm wearing my shirt again
because I only got to wear for know an
hour maybe to come home and my lovely
daughter decided to put chocolate where
I sit so I settled for chocolate and you
know what that looked like yeah lovely
so I had to take it off and spray shout
on it and clean it and wash it and it
was clean so I said kiss me I get too
worried to get to me and hopefully today
I can wear it a little bit longer
anyways um so we are running to Ali's
yard and then we got to do a couple of
things and then we're gonna head back
home I don't know exactly what is all in
store I woke up this morning it ghe you
don't know what's going on but I had to
take my wedding ring off because I was
just itch and so bad
I literally literally felt like I had
bugs crawling under my skin and I just
was digging and digging and digging and
ELISA that he thinks it has to do with
just all the stress and stuff that I've
been going through the last couple of
days and like my emotions and everything
so which makes sense it really does so
it probably is part of it and I am going
to insert my weight right here
yes you guys I did decide to go ahead
and win because you know what why am I
gonna be ashamed or why am I gonna try
and hide something and it wasn't really
hiding it was just the fact that I knew
I was gonna go up in my weight this week
I'm holding onto a lot of fluid and I
think that has a good grief doesn't want
to your body it really does and I didn't
realize that until I'm going through it
myself I think this is the first time in
my entire life that I've actually like
have grieved something and so I think
that you know it's something that your
body just has to adjust to and go
through and like I told you guys last
night I did have some binging I did and
you know that's part of my dealing of my
coping it's something I'm definitely
working on and you know I'm getting
better at it but you know it is what it
is I'm not gonna sit there and beat
myself up yes I am up on my weight but
you know what it's okay it's okay
I I know what I need to do I know that
this is part of the process
am i sitting there saying oh I'm gonna
go and eat some bomb bombs and a bag of
chips no that's not what I'm saying
but what I am saying is that I am very
old bonbons they're those little
chocolate like those old chocolate round
things that mama likes so you know it's
something that we me and Ollie are aware
of and
huh look we don't need those wood chips
well you know they do make chips if I
have chocolate covered they're
chocolate-covered chips I
really ooh that is disgusting just like
people like chocolate-covered ants and
bugs I'll pass but that's been not there
for a couple of days I don't know what
it is anyways so we're aware of the
situation we know what we're doing we
know what we need to do to get back on
track and again with all of your guys's
support and encouragement this has
helped me so much in so many ways you
guys have no idea I just I really am so
thankful to have each and every one of
you guys a part of my journey and a part
of my life and on my family's life even
but anyways so today we're gonna do good
we're gonna do good I woke up in a
better mindset today it's really again
it's really weird how you know grieving
you can have those really low days and
those other days that you're really
quiet in feeling good and
I'm just hoping that I'm getting over
that hump because those last couple of
days were pretty dark for me they didn't
feel good they didn't feel good at all
so anyways we're gonna have good days we
are going to have a good day so I will
check in with you guys in a little bit
I'm just driving over to drop Ollie off
and then I will be heading back towards
the house so thank you so much for
coming live with me today that was so
much fun I truly enjoyed getting to talk
to you guys and getting to know you guys
even on a better level and that's the
amazing thing about going live is that
it's going live sorry it just helps you
get to know each other on a better level
I think and that's why I enjoy doing
these lives is I get to talk to you guys
one-on-one and I want to apologize if I
didn't get to everybody's comments I am
so sorry I was trying to keep up with
everybody's comments and I was talking
and I was just like ah but I'm innocent
how try and see if I can go back I don't
know how to do that yet but I'm gonna
try and see if I can go back and see the
comments and be able to respond to them
if I can't you guys I will see
everybody's comments because I'm
watching the video back this evening so
when I do that I'll see everybody's
comments um today was a good day though
I can honestly say that I don't feel
like I am in such a fog today this last
week I felt like I wasn't really like
that that just the fog of I don't care
what happens I don't care who talks to
me I don't care about anything I just
simply didn't care and but today I felt
different I felt like I wasn't in such a
deep fog and I I really felt like I was
connecting with my family again
connecting with my kids so it was a
really good day today I will say um I
can't guarantee where my days are gonna
go
I can't guarantee if tomorrow is gonna
be a bad day
I don't know from moment to moment yeah
I can I don't know for a moment to
moment where my heart is gonna be at
that very moment but I do know that I
will be honest with you guys 100% no
matter what where I'm at how I'm at how
I'm feeling I will be 100% real with you
guys and you guys will know what's going
on because that's I trust you guys
so anyways I'm not gonna stay on tonight
and do a long talk because clearly we
just did the live and I really need to
get my kids cleaned up and ready for bed
and I have a mess tomorrow to do so
tomorrow is gonna be Oh deep scrub day I
think I'm gonna actually clean my
bathrooms tonight so I can have
eliminated of work but um we have this
room to spot clean like clean spotless
and Jeremiah's gonna do his room and
then we have I know for the living room
and we have all the hardwood floors to
mop tomorrow so I will try and bring you
guys along so you guys can watch what's
going on but yeah other than that I
don't know what tomorrow's gonna hold
because tomorrow's my date day for
myself so I know I have a little list of
things that I would like to go and just
pop around and look at and do some
window shopping but I will definitely
hey Phil you guys in unless you guys
know what I'm doing
so anyways okay honey hold on go out and
tell my young you need a YP go tell my
and you need OB yeah they're sticky okay
can you go tell Maya that you need a YP
go down see well hold on say Maya can
you get me a white B please yes you me
okay go run and get it really quick and
then my mobile okay mama will change you
in just a minute okay clearly that's why
I need to close my vlog so anyways I
really hope that you guys enjoyed this
vlog today and I hope that you guys
enjoyed my life and I will check in with
you guys bright and shiny tomorrow at
some point I'm talking to say in the
morning cuz I don't know but I will
check in with you guys tomorrow
first thing as soon as things start
working around my house otherwise take
care you guys sweet dreams bye
